Back for 10 days: How Was Nigeria?

How are you supposed to respond to that question. People keep asking me as if I should have figured it all out, as if there was a word to describe the past three months in a way that will allow them to understand what it was like. But the truth is there isn’t. At least not yet.

 

I am having a very difficult time processing this whole experience. Back at home I have not fallen in to or out of any sort of routine--I’m just here. I have had the blessing of catching up with friends, spending time with family, making my own meals, getting enough sleep without waking up in the middle of the night. But there is still something that is gripping my soul. Something I can’t explain. I feel stretched between two opposite worlds--stuck inbetween. Life in Jos: a life of no deadlines, welcoming faces, unpredictable electricity, and trying to fit in. Life in Fresno: a life of schedules, phone conversations, shopping malls, and trying to fit in. I so desire to be a part of both, and yet I so desire to get away from both. Why can’t I make up my mind? Why do I feel so at home and yet so foreign in both of these lands?

 

How am I supposed to feel, God? What am I supposed to do?

 

Jos just went through a very turbulent past few days after local elections brought out the worst in people. After a time of bloodshed, arson, and hateful words Biana has informed me that things are slowly going back to normal. People I know were affected by this bi-partisan calamity (thankfully I have not heard of any of my friends losing their lives over this madness) and because of that so was I. I grieve for my city from afar; so glad to not be there endangering my own safety and the lives of those around me by being such an easy target, yet so wishing I was there to be of some sort of comfort, truly experiencing the Nigeria I have grown to love. Someday there will be peace in Jos. I pray that the someday is sooner than we could ever think possible,

 

Fresno has its own issues. My fellow students are so burnt out of FPU. No one seems to be glad about being there. Sure it is finals time and papers drive people to the brink of disaster but there seems to be an extra sigh and shrug when our campus is brought up in conversation. Not to mention the jobs we all try to keep up with to pay for these ten-page assignments and due dates. The economy is bad yet I still see the Apple Store filled with customers purchasing hundred-dollar computer accessories and Urban Outfitters selling overpriced beanies to girls who want to look cute this winter. There is nothing wrong with technology or fashion, but is there something wrong with our spending? With our idea that buying things and acquiring the newest and latest will somehow make our lives better?

 

Have I become overly cynical? Too critical or judgmental? Depressed? Perhaps I have just been given something rare: the opportunity to see both sides.

 

My dear friend told me today that I have entered the state of grieving, whether I want to accept it or not, a state of mind that all who have followed God’s will and opened themselves up to the realities of life will endure. I know that joy comes in the morning. Through this all I will be able to forever hold on to the beauty and happiness and greatness that is our God and this world he has created.

 

I can’t wait.

            

Day 73: This Is It. The Place Where It Will All Begin.

I love having a day to sleep in, but it seems that every week I wake up the same time on Saturday that I would have on Tuesday or Thursday. This particular time I woke up to Dr. Chris’ voice at the front door telling Biana some story with the word “arrested” and “bail”. I heard a bit of scurrying around and both voices left after a couple of minutes. Obviously it was going to be impossible to fall back asleep so I decided to make myself useful and used up the rest of my pancake mix for Adrie and myself. We had a good breakfast while we talked about our families at the table and tried to figure out what was going on at the Clinic. With no power and no desire to turn on the generator I spent the next couple of hours doing one of my final loads of laundry, cleaning my room, and figuring out what is going home with me. It was very relaxing.

 

            Biana came back just before lunchtime and filled us in on what had happened. Apparently a couple of people broke into Faith Alive last night by cutting away one of the steel bars on the back windows and shimmying inside. They went upstairs and broke into Joshua’s office where they stole three laptops, a digital camera, and some other tech equipment and came down through the ceiling into the accounting office where they took another laptop, checkbooks, and important financial documentation. Some other locks around the Clinic had been tampered with but unsuccessfully mastered. Thankfully they did not make it into the pharmacy where all the ARV drugs are stored (the most common thing stolen in health clinics. They can be sold for high prices to people who desperately need them.) and did not make it out with the cable modem from Joshua’s office. Biana believes it is someone who knows the Clinic layout fairly well since they knew exactly where to go to get the most valuable items. Other offices and store-rooms were untouched. The police also clued into that but unfortunately thought the two most suspicious subjects were the security guards on duty. Dr. Chris spent the morning bailing them out. I don’t know how much damage was done overall, but I do know that this will be an interesting last week of my trip. They are going to be making some drastic changes in regards to visitors, supply storage, and security issues.

 

            We got another knock at the door only this time it was Doris and Morning Star to brighten our mood! All the white women took turns holding the baby and talking to Doris. They are such precious people, I love it when they come over. Biana taught Morning Star how to click his tongue and he spent most of the time smiling and baby-babbling rather than fussing or eating. Pastor Ben came a little while later and thanked Adrie and I for our time here in Jos. It was really special to hear what he had to say about what we have meant to his personal family along with the Faith Alive family.

 

            After Ben and I had our talk last week we have been trying to find a time to get out to the mountainside that he prays on. So he hired a taxi and we all piled in for a ride to the outskirts of Jos. The driver pulled in to a large grassy field and we all got out to trek up to a large pile of rocks. (I cannot describe how good to felt to walk through grass, stickers, and weeds again. With the added bonus of climbing some massive rocks I felt like I was at home!) We made our way up to the top of the boulders and looked at our surroundings. It was one of the most beautiful places I have been. The big grey rocks sit in the middle of some beautiful amber fields with hardly a building in sight. A small house with a cornfield sat to one side and a few other buildings were off in the distance. A panoramic view of larger mountains are the distant backdrop wherever you turn. What really caught my eye though was the tree. I climbed down the rocks and walked through the tall itchy grass a way to sit on a large flat slab further away to get a better view. It is the most perfect tree I have ever seen; an umbrella of leaves, an L-shaped branch connected to the trunk, and an ample amount of shade. As I sat there looking the wind picked up and blew across my face and hair, making my skirt ripple to the side. Emotion welled up inside of me and I started to cry. Not because of anything sad, but because I know this is the place. Pastor Ben and I both know. Someday there will be a retreat center there and I have to believe the two of us are going to be a part in getting that done.

 

            After sitting and thinking and talking to God for some time I picked myself up and headed back up to the top of the rocks. Ben grabbed my hand and we walked for a bit before coming back together to pray and take a final look for a while. I know I’ll be back to that overlooked field. It has huge plans ahead of it.

 

            Returning home we were all very tired. Morning Star finally fell asleep so Ben’s family went back to their flat while we got ready for dinner. We ate and talked, one of our last meals together for a while, and headed upstairs. The colder weather has FINALLY set in so I decided to heat water for a bucket bath (rather than my normal mountain lake temperature) and got nice and clean. When I got out Naomi had shown up so we spent another good time in our living room with friends. She has some great stories about taking care of Dr. Chris’s kids and is always up for sharing funny moments in her life. I really hope she ends up coming to the States for grad school...

 

            I am now content with my typing, freshly bathed, utterly exhausted, and full of joy.

 

            I love this place.

Day 72: Could You Get Me One Of Obama’s Daughters?

This morning at the Clinic I took to my computer and Adrie was given the chance to learn how to draw blood. She got to have her first try on a patient and said she almost did it! (Biana told her that most American nurses aren’t allowed to draw blood until they have been through all their schooling. Nigeria has the right idea for hands-on experience!) Working on the discipleship curriculum has been a great chance to run through the Bible. I was having a particularly difficult time finding places where the Trinity was mentioned so Biana jumped on Google to find some scholarly advice. We found an entire article dedicated to this one topic and I realized I just don’t read Scripture as well as I should. Many things are not as straight-forward as we would like to believe. If I read things slower and discovered all the times God refers to himself as “we” or “our” then I wouldn’t have to use Google to prove why I believe what I believe! Goodness. It has been a fun and useful project for me.

 

            A tasty lunch and we were back at Faith Alive to get some more work done. Biana has been swamped for the past week with various tasks -- scratch that. Past year. -- and has been plugging away to get those things done. Adrie and I worked some more and ended up in Biana’s office later to be her cheerleaders. I wish there were things we could accomplish for her! Larry, the OBGYN from Fort Collins here with MCC, spent the afternoon with us while he got some things done on the computer. He reminds us a lot of my Uncle Norm so we all enjoy being around him. He is very energetic, incredibly happy to be here, trying to absorb as much as he can, and in the process of deciding if this is where God would want him to spend this next year after he retires.

 

            Around five Adrie, Larry, and I headed out to the Faith Alive bus and got on board with some other staff members to head out to the MCC Cultural Night. We weren’t sure what to expect but had heard rumors of tribal dancing and food. Sounded like a party to me! All the MCC team was trying out traditional Nigerian garb for the first time (of course Adrie and I didn’t get this memo and showed up in jeans. Cool.) and we were all anticipating a good night. Some of the missionary kids were with us, which made me really happy. I miss my third, fourth, fifth, and sixth graders! The event was held in a large hall on the same compound as the MCC guest house and there were quite a few people there. And it WAS a party. Four different groups did traditional dancing, which was pretty much the coolest things I have ever witnessed. They tied bells and shells to their ankles (one group of guys had chains!) and had various drums, body-painting, and feathers to perform with. Lots of booty-shaking and foot-stamping; think Shakira meets Stomp. I wish I only looked half as put-together when I try to do those moves! They served us rice, chicken, fruit, and traditional rice cakes for dinner and we enjoyed good conversation around the room.

 

            After eating I went outside to get some fresh air and was approached by one of the dancers. He introduced himself as Pius asked if I was an American and when I replied that I was asked if I knew of a way he could marry one of Obama’s girls. He explained that his plan was to marry one of them and someday become the president of the United States. After telling him that first, they are really young and second, presidential candidates have to meet quite a few requirements regarding living in America and that sort of thing he started laughing. He then told me he didn’t really care about Obama’s kids but wanted to get me engaged in conversation so he could ask me if I would be interested in being his wife. That’s when I started laughing. He made some good offers: he’s a young technician, would be fine traveling back and forth between the US and Nigeria, would provide and care for me and our family. Alas, I was not convinced. Adrie came and told me our bus was leaving so I said Goodbye (thanked God for a good excuse to run away) and got on the bus. Pius went back inside with no phone number, no wife, and no hope for marrying into the American presidential family. I think he’ll be just fine. 

Day 71: You Don’t Look So Good...

Only one week left in Jos and my body is giving up on me! I woke up this morning not feeling so hot so I spent the first part of my day doing my discipleship curriculum on my bed rather than in Joshua’s office. It actually worked out much nicer--it was really quiet and I didn’t have to worry about people walking in and out all the time. I am currently trying to correspond meaningful Scripture with certain aspects of the layout Pastor Ben and I worked on. This project has reminded me of just how much the Bible contains! Some topics are easier than others to address (much more on prayer than the Trinity) but it seems to be coming together quite well.

 

            Baba made chips for lunch, one of my favorites, before Adrie and I walked down to the Clinic to do our work there. It was still break time when we showed up so we decided to get on the internet earlier rather than later after work. Today is the one year anniversary of my Life List so we thought it would be a good idea to get something accomplished before the end of the day. Seeing as many of them cannot or should not be done in this setting we decided that learning Thriller would be the best fit! Unfortunately we have not found a way to download off of YouTube so, with our lack of internet outside the third story of the Clinic, we’ll have to wait. Oh well.

 

            . Pastor Ben had neglected to tell us that we were expected to speak today in prayer meeting until about fifteen minutes before it all started. My stomach was turning and I was feeling pretty dizzy when it all started so I quickly had to walk myself out to get pulled together. When I got back they were waiting for me so I walked in and shared in a bit of a babbling form of what my experience at Faith Alive has looked like. They prayed over myself and Adrie and I was sent down (Biana’s orders) to see Dr. Old School about what I could do. Seeing as I had already taken antibiotics, been drinking water, and had persistent stomach dysfunctions for the past twenty-four hours Biana thought I may need to talk to someone with more understanding. Bad idea. I love talking to Old School, which we did for the first few minutes in his office, but once he heard I wasn’t feeling well the questions started. Had I been taking my malaria pill? Had I eaten any fruit? Had I thrown up in the past two days? Panic set in as I realized that what I thought was normal upset stomach was in his mind transferring to e coli. He wanted me to have some tests done and I started to flip out.

 

            With all the emotions building up about leaving soon, anticipating things back home, and just being tired and feeling sick I made the poor decision of starting to cry. Right in the waiting room. In front of patients. With Old School holding my hand. I explained to him as best I could that “I--Am---Just---Emo-tion-al Right Now And---Need To--Leave.” There are a few moments in my life where I wanted to disappear just for the sake of having a few minutes to compose myself. At Faith Alive there is nowhere to escape to be alone. In fact, that is something I have found to be true even of Jos. I never realized my need for alone time to process and decompress until that minute. I have not had a true moment to myself the whole time I have been here. Even when I am in my bedroom by myself there are always people yelling outside, baby goats crying, and one of my flatmates in another part of our home.

 

            All I wanted was a sleeping bag, a big open night sky, and some fireflies.

 

            Back home from the Clinic I fell into bed for a little while and went down to dinner where I forced myself to swallow five spoonfuls of rice. I was a little worried of my own sanity at this point (stomach matters aside) so I did some laundry and listened to Denison Witmer. Adrie always knows how to help out so she suggested watching a movie to end the night. I chose Robin Hood because, well, it’s probably the best movie ever. Next time I run into someone who is feeling sick and completely overwhelmed I am going to prescribe them one hour with cartoon animals and folk music. That just seems to be the perfect mix! Feeling more like my normal self I had a yogurt, wrote my blog, and will crawl into bed to enjoy sweet dreams and proper healing. Tomorrow is a new day...

Day 70: Well, We Didn’t Solve Any Of Our Problems...But It Sure Was A Good Chat!

We had a longer staff meeting this morning, but it was a great way to start the day. Dr. Kanu spoke about being a vessel for the Lord; being willing to have God fill you in whatever way he saw necessary. it was neat to hear that since Chrissy had spoke to me this past summer about the same passage and how it spoke to her. The individuals with MCC were given an opportunity to introduce themselves after some brief questions and concerns about various aspects of the hospital and the time concluded with a wedding announcement that made everyone burst into laughter. I didn’t see what was so funny about Ezekiel getting married, but apparently he already has six children and a wife who he married in a traditional service. His church is asking that anyone who has not had an official Christian “white wedding” is somehow not married in the sight of God and so many couples in his congregation are tying the knot again in order to please the Lord...by which I mean their pastor.

 

            Adrie and I did not realize we were going to be asked to help out in the store again so we ran home to change into grungy clothes and came back to help Daniel. We spent the morning arranging medical supplies, moving boxes, and sorting through dusty papers to turn a pile of chaotic mess into a nicely arranged storeroom of supplies. Dan is constantly teasing Adrie and wanted her by his side the whole time so I was blessed to work with Musa getting things sorted out and put into proper places around the room. When we left for lunch it was nowhere near completion but we saw that we had made quite some progress. And, again, it showed on our shirts and hands.

 

            After lunch we all headed quickly back to the Clinic for various appointments and projects. Adrie finished her article about Blessing while Biana spoke with a couple of MCC doctors about training during their time here. Shola had asked me earlier if we could meet on his break so we found a nice spot in the waiting room to go over some Timber Mountain songs. It is really fun to be teaching another person who works with kids the songs that we use so much at camp. Last Sunday he taught his class Waves of Mercy and they loved it, so he promised to bring them some more! After belting out Spring Up Oh Wells, Take My Hand, and Pharaoh, Pharaoh for the entire Clinic to hear I was glad to see that he picked up on tunes quickly. We will have to find a less public spot to work on hand motions. Once he went back to the lab (of course, after a bit of conversation. It’s the Nigerian way!) I checked up on e-mails and headed back to the flat a bit earlier than usual. I am working on the curriculum Pastor Ben and I came up with for discipleship class and realized when I got to Faith Alive that everything I needed was left on my bed. Of course.

 

            Back at the flat I did a bit of work, enjoyed some mashed dan kali, and peeled an apple for dessert. Adrie, Biana, and I got comfortable in the living room and spent the next two hours having girl talk. It is so wonderful to be in a place with two women who are open to listening and giving their own stories. We talked about dating and how different relationships look here, the lack of romance in many marriages we have encountered. We discussed our personality strengths and flaws and how that plays a role in how we relate to others. From there we wandered down the trail to beach homes, decorating, friends at church, and guessing people’s ages. I love talking with these two! Realizing it was past our bedtime (almost 9:30! Night owls for sure!) we parted ways after finishing the dishes and brushing our teeth.

Day 69: Dr. Kanu Is ADMIRING Your Computer. Not Marrying.

Apparently I haven’t worked out my arms much here because I woke up this morning feeling as if I had been lifting weights in my sleep. I had bruises on my forearms where I caught boxes of Plumpy Nut being thrown at me and, even after trying to wash my shirt, decided it may be best to toss it. I hoped they wouldn’t ask us to hold signs or carry large babies at the Clinic--it just wasn’t going to happen.

 

            Thankfully I spent the morning putting my interview with Pastor Ben into article format, which takes a while with my writing habits. I read and reread things until I have picked a synonym for every word, rearrange every sentence, and then change it all back to the first thing I wrote. Luckily after a couple of hours I was satisfied with the outcome in time to leave for lunch. After eating I took my hour-long break to curl up on my bed and fall asleep. Hooray for Safari Snooze!

 

            Back at the Clinic I read through my article once more (just in case...) and e-mailed it to Fresno First. I spent the rest of my time working on the discipleship class curriculum in Joshua’s office with Adrie. Something that is fun about working in there is the fact that twenty minutes can’t go by without someone dropping in to talk to Joshua--and then being forced to talk to us since we are sitting in there. Dr. Kanu graced us with his presence today and was actually happy to see some extra people in there. He is such a sweetheart, we always have a good time talking with him. He asked to see my computer so I let him bum around on it while his laptop got an antivirus update. Joshua turned to me and said, “Dr. Kanu wants to marry your computer.” I thought that was pretty funny and told Dr. Kanu that he couldn’t marry it since I needed it for my homework. He gave me a weird look and Joshua tapped my on the shoulder. “Caitlin. Dr. Kanu wants to ADMIRE your computer.” My ears have gotten me into some interesting situations here--apparently I am no good at deciphering conversations in different accents. Or any accent for that matter.

 

            Back at the flat we took time to enjoy dinner and conversation and Adrie and I watched Empire Records on her laptop before we had to turn off the generator. I love 90s music! And fashion. Why don’t guys wear flannel shirts anymore? They’re so amazing! We were super tired once it was over, despite it being 9:15, and went to sleep. I have a fear my sleeping pattern is going to be thrown off for months once I get home...

Day 68: Vision. Exactly.

Waking up this morning I had no idea it was going to be such a monumental day. I got ready like I normally do, enjoyed some hot cereal, and walked down to Faith Alive to do some work in the pharmacy. It was a busy place this morning and for some reason there were about four extra people working in the pharmacy. Adrie and I counted pills before I worked with Isaiah to take inventory of and stock all the newly shipped ARV drugs. The two of us make a good team; he opens all the boxes and gets things out of the packaging while I organize them on the shelf. (We tried the other way for a while and it was quite a disaster) As much as I would have enjoyed spending all morning there I had a meeting with Pastor Ben just before eleven to interview him for an article I am writing for Fresno First Baptist’s advent season. He had an unexpected group show up that he needed to show around the Clinic so he let me know we’d have to meet a bit later. I wandered into Biana’s office and talked to her for a little bit until he was ready.

 

            Pastor Ben and I have had a strange connection during my time here but have not really had a chance to sit down and talk one-on-one. We found the conference room was open so we took seats at a table up front. I asked him if he would be wiling to share his testimony, which he gladly did, and I was amazed to hear his story. Ben grew up in a very poor family, the youngest of eighteen children, and lost both of his parents when he was young. He wanted so badly to get an education but, being raised by older siblings, realized he would have to work to get school fees. He did end up making enough for secondary school, worked some more for university, and graduated with a degree in microbiology. He always knew he had a passion for preaching and was found by Dr. Chris when he was working at a base camp nearby. He has been working at Faith Alive for three years now, married with a gorgeous son named Morning Star, and loves his life. After sharing all this with me he asked if I wouldn’t mind being late to lunch and share my story with him. I told him about my family, going to school, and about my ministry at Sugar Pine. He looked at me very strange when I told him about my job and pulled out a notepad and pen. “Repeat what you just said,” he told me energetically. “Um, I work at a children’s camp...” He scribbled something down and showed it to me: CHILDREN’S CAMP. “Cait, this is it.” I was a little confused but obviously eager to hear what he had to say. Turns out Ben has been praying for a while that God would send someone his way that knows about camps and retreat centers. The entire city of Jos and the areas around it have nothing like our camps back home. The closest thing to our week-long summer programs are yearly weekend conferences where kids from around the city meet at a large church and have worship and Bible study together. “This,” he said looking me straight in the eye and pointing to his notepad, “is what we are missing            All the while my head was processing what was going on inside of me. Some who are close to me know that for a few years now I have been trying to discover what God will have me do. During a trip to Mexico I spoke to Chris, Linda, and Uncle Norm about camps in other countries. I went home and had the same discussion with my parents a few days later. “If I could find something like that,” I told Mom and Dad, “I would jump right in. That would be a perfect blend of my two passions: camping ministry and other countries.”

 

            Could my seemingly far-fetched vision be understood as something that will be reality from one conversation? I think so. Because God can do that.

 

            Ben and I spoke for a long time before he was called back to the lab and I was called to fill my stomach. We prayed together and he told me that he wants to take me to a mountain about ten minute outside of Jos where he goes when he needs time for retreat and reflection. “The land is for sale...” he added. We both laughed as we parted ways and I realized this may be the reason God called me to Jos; to encourage Ben to get something started.

 

            I had a quick lunch, with my heart feeling a great peace, and changed into my grunge clothes to help move the store items from the second story up to the new room on the third floor. Two hours of heavy lifting, sweating, and dusty boxes was a surprisingly fun experience. We moved things in the Nigerian fashion--Joshua taught me how to carry things on my head--and made pretty quick progress. Our fireman assembly line was quite a workout. Musa grabbed the heavy box and walked up the first half of the stairs and handed it to me, who walked the second half of the stairs up to Yazi, who put the box on her head and walked down the hall to Adrie, who took the box inside to Daniel, who put it in the proper spot. My green Sugar Pine shirt was completely brown by the end of the day and my hands were filthy. We decided to end our work day early since we were all so exhausted.

 

            Back at the flat Adrie and I took much-needed bucket baths and had a good dinner. NEPA was off the better part of the last week and it has not been on at all today. Not having power means we go to bed earlier than usual (running out of fuel for the generator by running it so long would be ridiculous) since we turn off our generator-powered lights at 9:00. Thankfully, after the day I had, 9:00 sounds like the perfect bedtime.